I have been trying to think of something very specific to blog about. I just had to mentally come to terms with the fact that in this very unsure time, it is normal to be under the level of stress where having clear, artsy thoughts is simply not possible for me.
So I decided to just write something real. I like the rest of you are in the middle of feeling like I am restrained.. nothing feels natural. Can’t even interact the way we’d like with our family members without thinking… “Do they have it? Do they have COVID-19?” Then we begin our process, masks, gloves, constant sanitizing, washing our hands till they are raw.
I’m not going to lie, I have now even stopped trusting carryout or delivery. I feel like I cannot trust all the employees to be as cautious as they should be. I miss takeout and delivery, but I decided since I have underlying health issues that I’ll just be doing all the cooking for a while, which is ok because I am a great cook… I just miss being lazy.
I have had 3 people in my family have symptoms and not be able to get tested, and my 14 yr old had no symptoms but was exposed to someone and did get tested and THANK GOD she was negative. But My 26 yr old son was rushed to the hospital 2 weeks ago in an ambulance and not tested and his little 5 yr old asthmatic daughter had to have EMT’s come over also to my sons house but they treated her at the house, because they said the hospital and it’s infected people could pose an even greater risk to her, which is correct. Then my life partner and co web designer just a few days go went through a few days of weird headaches and extreme fatigue. He seemed to bounce back quick so I assume thank goodness for now at least that , that was something else.
But this is all of what I have been trying to navigate.
Having worked in medical before I made sure to turn one room of my home into a quarantine hospital room should the time come when someone gets sicker than we would want them to, or even for myself.. but I desperately hope it never comes to that.
Georgia has one of the worst healthcare systems in the US. And especially if you are not rich. So God willing I am hoping that if we ever do become sick that it’s the milder version of things.
Tomorrow April 14th is my 50th bday. Gifts and dinner and lots of family fun were expected for tomorrow…. and then trips to NOLA ( April 20) and MIAMI ( June to celebrate both me and my oldest sons Birthday’s) were our plans. I had dreamed and been planning my 50th for a yr. Like literally right after my 49th I began to plan. So did many of my friends and cousins who are turning 50 this year.. High School Class of 88. Now many of us are all talking to each other about non refundable deposits for event halls, caterers, DJ’s and decor. Many of us planned big celebrations for our 50th bday’s and are now too concerned with protecting our health, the health of our families and the health of the public to even enjoy that very very special birthday. In today’s world turning half a century old and looking as good and still being as fun as most of my friends and family are is an amazing thing.
But tomorrow because finances are so fucked and unsure, there will be no celebration, no gifts. I am happy to be alive but I would be lying if I didn’t say that I am deeply disappointed. My 16th, and 21st birthdays were ruined and didn’t get to happen for other reasons … SO YES DAMN IT.. this one was a big deal!
I find myself longing to dress up, go out , eat fine foods, enjoy drinks. I find I want to go to the beach at St Simon’s Island with my 17 yr old son and 14 yr old daughter and to the movies with them.
I look at my Instagram and Facebook and I get saddened because just a few months ago my family and I were enjoying life. Creating special memories with each other.
Now my 14 yr old is stuck home , home schooling. My 17 yr old son is home till at least 2nd week of May from Job Corps and I am having to decide when I really feel its safe for him to return from a parent’s point of view.
My 26 yr old son worked making great money at a restaurant at the Atlanta Airport and had just gotten a town home with his roommates back in December. His job has been on hold for almost 6 weeks now.. everything is up in the air.
My 31 yr old daughter and her 8 yr old son are in North Carolina, home schooling him is driving her crazy. And well my 22 yr old college daughter in Delaware is still going to work everyday at an essential gas station to make sure she can cover her rent and so you can bet I worry about her daily. She promises she’s doing what she should to feel safe, but as a Mother.. I still worry.
I have kind of withdrawn to myself in my home. I am talkative and fun loving and ok some days and then someday’s , like today… I am just trying to hold it together.
I need more web design jobs, more assistant jobs. I need more male clients to buy my virtual content and on top of that my landlord and her ex husband plan on selling the house in a few months. So the home we have loved and lived in for three years will no longer be our home. I don’t feel like starting over again.
My kids were finally stable and used to this home, my 14 yr old finally had stable friends for the last 3 years. I hate changing that.
I cannot risk my health by doing in person meetings with clients right now. It simply isn’t a possibility for me. I have created a virtual gfe site and created content. I am really trying to hold it together.
My life partner and I both are web designers .. so business is relatively DEAD for us both currently. So there’s that. He had just begun a custom healing crystal jewelry business about a month before COVID made everything come to a halt. It has been a very trying time both financially and mentally for us both.
I am a tad bit more used to struggle, I’ve been through it before so my skill set for adapting is better than most. But my life partner is not used to struggle and so for him this whole current state of events is a nightmare.
Me and my kids would prefer to not return to struggle ourselves!
I don’t know who is reading this, but first now is truly not the time to say stupid or rude shit, especially now even those who like to say “never me”… trust me you never know when the bottom can fall out. So never say never.
I didn’t write this blog post to talk about web design work or assistant work or getting work, I wrote it to vent because I truly needed to.
In closing though, if anyone needs a website and wants it done at a reasonable ( not cheap) but reasonable rate or still has need for an assistant even if just to handle emails for virtual services, or ad copy and content…
PLEASE CONTACT ME , MY HOUSEHOLD CAN USE THE WORK. Hell I even applied for online telemarketing jobs like 2 weeks ago.. but nothing yet. I am definitely not just sitting here twiddling my fingers.
My website for webdesign and other services is HERE
And my website for VIRTUAL CONTENT ( ladies have a look too, in case you decide to have me make you one)
Men check that above link out and buy some content or set up a virtual skype or Facetime session with me.
I hope me sharing inspires some of you to open up too. We are all in this shit storm together.
To those of you still working, be safe and I do hope that you get through this without getting sick. For those considering going back to work in May just still be careful please and don’t let your guard down. Make sure you too are doing all you can to keep yourself and those you love safe and healthy.
I hope this bad dream goes away soon and we can get back to just living our lives.
If any of you want to surprise me for my bday or just contribute for whatever reason Click here
or for web design firstname.lastname@example.org